DRUNKEN REVIEWS: RED SPARROW [2018]

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While it is no The Room – though nothing will ever come close to that – this is certainly a movie that is hard not to laugh if watching from a bare but nonetheless present critical viewpoint.

Based in the era of the Cold War, Jennifer Lawrence and her acting in this movie is awful on two fronts: the entire movie centres around her but she turns in a laughable, semi-professional performance – a generous description – while acting as a character who, as she aptly puts it, goes through ‘whore school’. Her accent is also incredibly bad that fifteen minutes in, you’d be forgiven for thinking her character was American, as her attempt at an accent is to roll her ‘r’s and ‘l’s. That is the extent of her effort.

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Her role as an employee of the intelligence whore division is also fantastically awful. That she seduces man after man does not make sense considering how bad at her job she is. She improves her whorish ways over time, but for every man to be gullible enough to fall for her act every time is just a little off.

You see, men are stupid. And Russia bad. Therefore it only makes sense that the Russian intelligence community would train a highly trained squad of whores to seduce men, gaining complete trust with them. These agents are known of by other agencies, yet their incredible methods of seduction work without fail.

Dominika (Lawrence) was a dancer before becoming a part of this intelligence unit after she broke her leg on stage. The reason she is there is not clear, and never made clear despite her constant questions. The dancing could be seen as a parallel to the dance this women have to perform constantly, but it is doubtful that Francis Lawrence intentionally did this.

With little to no action, this amounts to Atomic Blonde without any excitement, intrigue, bright colours or an exciting soundtrack. It possesses nothing but poor lead acting, a boring and uneventful script; this really is a poor, poor film. And the worst crime is it is utterly forgettable, with back-stabbings and twists that are absurdly obvious. This is a nothing film, with the only aspect one will remember is the concept of a whore school.

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Joel Edgerton is the only positive aspect of the film. His character is sly, and he plays it with a subtlety that matches his oddly vacant personality, never revealing who he is working for, and which country. It is a pity that he is given a poor script with a poor screenplay, as most of the film is Lawrence effortlessly seducing men, with some scenes involving private intelligence which almost seems deliberately inserted to give the film a certain atmosphere of intrigue and tension. Unfortunately the only atmosphere is one of unsurprising disappointment.

Two out a sixer. which is generous. This flick is incredibly forgettable.

2/6