Directed by Alfonso Cuaró, written by Alfonso Cuarón and  Jonás Cuarón

Starring George Clooney and Sandra Bullock

When I first read about this movie, I laughed. Sandra Bullock and George Clooney in space. A barely existent plot. I decided that I wanted to check it out, as a movie-fan, I wanted to at least see how bad I thought it would be. Even my father thought this movie was idiotic, and he isn’t one to criticise film.

The movie was slightly better than I expected – mainly the elements of tension it occasionally stirred up – but the flaws were overwhelming. I cannot see how people can praise this film. There are so many problems!! And I’ll forget the endless plot-holes because one could dedicate an essay to that subject alone.

The camera-work was at times busy, but a lot seemed random and seemed to only occur during a bad event – as if to emphasize the suspense due to the lack of any meaningful dialogue or acting; just Sandra Bullock comfortably floating through a space-station (that is being ripped apart by shrapnel), in her underwear, no apparent fear for what could happen next…

Her acting is just.. there. Stagnant. The character development is non-existent, as it is a single dream that essentially turns Bullock from timid to heroic. When the shit started hitting the fan, the CGI looked okay, but it didn’t look real. The problem was this it was supposed to look real. I’m not sure what planet they were orbiting either, but it doesn’t look like any Earth I have seen a picture of. Perhaps I was hallucinating, but it looked like a volcanic mess,

The aspect of being alone in space, an alien environment to her, was a nice concept. But due to the amazingly bland acting shat out by Sandra Bollocks, this sense of total alienation does not come across at all. In fact for the most part she seems pretty relaxed. A bored actor? Or just an extremely shitty one? I think both fit the description, laziness is prone to pop up when the big feature of the movie is supposedly the ground-breaking special effects. Additionally, I certainly have never seen a movie where I thought ‘wow Sandra Bullock was great’. Not once.

Not much else can be said… There are only two characters really, and Clooney makes Bullock look amateur by turning himself into the macho and arrogant lieutenant with a soft heart without even trying. Compare this to say… his performance in Burn After ReadingFrom Dusk Till Dawn… He was quite obviously just going through the motions.

As said, but I feel I must repeat this: for someone lost in space, Bullock was blindingly bland, making animals look like  decent actors. The silly story and script didn’t help her either, with such evocative lines such as: ‘Shit!’, ‘Shit!”, ‘Ugh, this damn thing!’, ‘Ugh, I hate space’. Niiice. But despite the horrendous script, she could have been given gold and still would have been just as boring. I’m surprised I made it to the end of shit shit-fest.

Amazingly horrid dialogue, juvenile, fake looking CGI for the most part, and extremely typical of Hollywood. This movie was quite clearly a pretty-looking cash-grab and nothing more, and it paid off… if you take any notice of what ‘The Awards Season’ recognises that is anyhow. I really do not know how this movie is considered good in any way, shape or form.

2/5 is being generous, but it was better than I went in expecting. So there’s that I suppose.

written by the epilepticmoondancer