I thought I’d try something different and write a short post about an extremely personal film to me, and the only film I consider to be a true horror film. If I am honest, this post was inspired by Eric‘s honest thoughts in his most recent post. Cheers buddy, you rock.

Given my younger years and what I put into my body, this is the one and only film that truly scares me. Don’t get me wrong, Repulsion, The Exorcist, The Shining, they are some of my favourite movies. They are creepy as all hell and gave me chills. Recently It Follows joined that club. But none of these had any lasting affect, they didn’t haunt my dreams… though I did once have a strangle erotic dream about the twin sisters from The Shining. Wait, what? Pretend you didn’t read that.

Requiem is the one film that, no matter how many times I watch it, each time I will stare blankly at the screen for thirty minutes after the credits, just thinking, ruminating, my head-spinning. I was so close to becoming a part of what Requiem depicts. The odd thing is, despite watching my potential future, this film never had this impact on me while I was using. Despite the hellish nightmare that is the climax of that film, it didn’t affect me at all until I got clean.

This isn’t surprising I suppose. Opiates deaden emotions. You don’t feel. You don’t laugh, cry, smile. It is all dead. So despite watching this at least fifty times while I was an addict, it didn’t have any impact on me. Which is what the main characters in the film are doing. Deadening their emotions to cope with what life has thrown at them. And if things get worse? Simple, use more until you can’t afford it. Which creates more cravings, more using, and often theft. Addiction is a vicious fucking cycle and I don’t think enough people truly understand that.

No one just takes up heroin for fun. Addiction to hard drugs and mental illness often go hand in hand, and if someone is shooting up, there is almost certainly a reason why. Self-medicating I think is what doctors call it.

I have watched the film three times since I got clean, compared to the fifty-plus times I watched it as a junkie. I’ve been sober coming on four years now, and the fact I have only watched this three times in that period is a testament to how powerful this film is. I’ve heard the term ‘mindfuck’ thrown around to describe some of the movies I love, and this rather crude description is pretty apt. This film goes to town on my brain, filling it with memories of behaviour of my youth. This is especially prevalent in the opening scene with Jared Leto and his mother. I was such a bastard to my mother. I don’t deserve her forgiveness. Yet she was the one who helped me get clean. Supported my every step. She forgave me, despite all the horrid things I had done or said in the past. I am truly lucky to have the parents I do.

Okay, that’s enough dear diary action for today. Time to watch a killer film, eh? Upcoming is another Aussie flick that is available online from tomorrow, 8th of May: INFINI.

26 Comments on “REWOUND: REQUIEM FOR A DREAM [2000]

  1. Beautiful post, my brother!!! I don’t like to get too mushy out here but sometimes things just deserve it!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Indeed, though i seem to get personal with movies without realising it. I thought your post was great though as it was a departure from your normal hilarious nonsense/awesomeness πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • : ))))))))))))) I can wax personal occasionally…. I just watched RfaD for the first time recently… It was good. While I haven’t used I get it. I get the same way with certain things. While I don’t love the band Stain’d they have a song called So Far Away that kicks my ass every time. I’ve fucked up a lot of shit in my life.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Me too man, I feel ya. It must feel great to have found a partner after knowing you did some shitty things. personally I haven’t had a proper relationship since I was 21.


        Liked by 1 person

  2. My first thought when I saw the title of this post was “I wonder if he sees it as a horror film, like I do.” And that’s the first thing you wrote. Kudos to you, sir. I’ve never used and it scares the shit out of me. Very interesting that it didn’t really affect you until you got clean, though. Love to see when a movie has a personal impact on a person. If that helps keep you clean then it was more than your time to watch it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks mate πŸ™‚ Yeah both me and a good friend both see this film the same way because of personal experience.

      And yeah, it really is crazy how much you miss on an emotional level if using opiates (heroin, morphine etc), I was essentially watching a version of myself in Jared Leto’s character, yet nothing registered. It is not a fun drug, and viciously addictive, which is what makes the film so scary to me. Watching it once in a while does help me stay on track, especially the last ten or so minutes, god what a climax…

      thanks for reading πŸ™‚


  3. Excellent post, Jordan. I love this film. So strong in its message about thee horrors of addiction but also quite beautiful, I find. Full of compassion.


  4. Wow – nice post dude, this has always been one of my favourite movies but one I can rarely view, own it but think I have only ever watched it twice since release.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks mate. And yeah I know what you mean. In the four years I have been clean I have only watched in three times, each time reminding me of the hell that I managed to escape from. This flick deserves all the praise it gets

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I love reading this review and I love that your were so honest about your past. Yes I will agree that this is a horror movie. I saw this once with my dad and then again with a group of friends(only one enjoyed it with me and I should probably marry that girl) Great post man

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey, thanks mate!! I really appreciate that!! There is more of my experiences with addiction in my ‘Adventures In Rehab’ link at the top of the page, if you can be buggered reading it!! I will be the first to admit that it is a little long-winded


  6. Pingback: mother! [2017] | epileptic moondancer

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